Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
