I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
