We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
