I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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