I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
