just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Only a mothe r could love this liver
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize