There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
he just fucked me for my cheese..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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