that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The power of my boobs compel you
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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