Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
