white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
