I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
