There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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