Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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