she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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