your thong is hanging out like whoa
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
