the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
