why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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