I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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