I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
