We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
