Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
