beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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