So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
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He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
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We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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