never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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