wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
