Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
