You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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