Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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