I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
