Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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