Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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