We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
