It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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