Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
