I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
