every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
