on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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