you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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