having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
