Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I can't put those talents on a resume
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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