I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
