i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
