Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Someone shattered a urinal.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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