great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
