I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
