Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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