i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
