Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
