Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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