She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
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