Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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