look no pants
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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