Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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