her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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