At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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