I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
