If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
