thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
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I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
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I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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