I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
