No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
