Me too!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
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She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
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Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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