when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
