Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Randomize
