I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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