Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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