party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Randomize
