yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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