Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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