Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
