I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
MIDGETS
????
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
