I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
