i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
