I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You need a sexual gate keeper
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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