I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
