for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
