Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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