if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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