I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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