Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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