That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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