I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
