I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Randomize
